Honest Trailer for Jupiter Ascending Takes Potshots at the Wachowskis

Tuesday, 19 May 2015 - 3:31PM
Jupiter Ascending
Tuesday, 19 May 2015 - 3:31PM
Honest Trailer for Jupiter Ascending Takes Potshots at the Wachowskis
Poor Wachowskis. They made a bonafide sci-fi classic back in the 90's, but since then haven't been able to catch a break. Jupiter Ascending, with its original story and enormous budget, was arguably their big chance to get back in the swing of things, but no dice, because it's terrible. We're slightly, cautiously optimistic that they could get back in the game with their transition into television, Sense8, whose first trailer was somewhat promising. But for now, they're still "the directors of The Matrix and- nothing else worth mentioning":



In this honest trailer, Screen Junkies points out everything that's wrong with the film, and makes it clear that it would have been faster to point out everything right with the film. It's derivative of The Matrix, with an advanced alien life form harvesting humans as an energy source. It somehow features terrible performance from its all-star cast, especially Eddie Redmayne, who "makes a strong case for the Academy to retroactively take away his Academy Award."

And we should be happy that it's an original sci-fi movie that features a female lead, but we're not, because she spends the entire movie getting saved, cleaning toilets, playing dress-up, and generally acting like cinderella, arguably the most anti-feminist of all the Disney princesses, which is quite a distinction.

And then there's the script. You know a movie is bad when it's possible to make fun of it by literally just explaining the plot. A plot which, by the way, even speaking rapid-fire takes approximately seven years for them to explain, as they flash in our faces things like, "THIS IS THE ACTUAL PLOT OF THE MOVIE."

"...SERIOUSLY, WE'RE NOT MAKING THIS UP."

(Plus, Sean Bean survives the entire movie! They can't get anything right!)
Science Fiction
Sci-Fi Movies
Jupiter Ascending