Honest Trailer for Iron Man Reveals 11 Steps to Making a Marvel Movie
Take a half-forgotten, B-list superhero
Remember when the only superheroes everyone had heard of were Batman, Superman, and Spider-Man (which had been sold to Sony at the time?). Iron Man was the movie that changed all that, and allowed a sentient tree and a talking raccoon to become household names.
Cast an unknown or half-forgotten B-list actor
Usually, a white guy named Chris. Screen Junkies says "if it's not broke, don't fix it," but we could use some gender, sexuality, and racial diversity. It's amazing that Marvel has enough confidence to throw a talking raccoon at the moviegoing public, but not a superhero who's homosexual, Hispanic, Asian, etc.
Have him fight a generic villain that will only last one movie
Marvel villains have been truly forgettable so far. Marvel has only been able to create memorable villains in their TV shows, namely Daredevil's Wilson Fisk (and probably Punisher).
Have him fall in love with a generically "strong female character"
They're allowed to be as strong and smart as they'd like, as long as they don't expect to helm their own movie.
Make a ton of quips
"Peace means having a bigger stick than the other guy."
Talk a bunch of science
As Tony Stark's only superpower is his intelligence, Iron Man is probably the most straightforward sci-fi of all the Marvel superhero franchises.
Destroy some public property
Preferably the entirety of New York City.
Cram Stan Lee in there somewhere
Have a blue beam shoot up in the sky
Set up an Avengers movie
This is where it all began: "I'm here to talk to you about the Avenger Initiative."
Force the audience to sit through 500 visual effects guys' names just to catch a few extra seconds
All true, except I'm sure there were female visual effects artists as well? Come on now, Screen Junkies.